Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
