what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
