Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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