I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
