Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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