i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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