Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
