I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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