I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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