Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
