it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
