We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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