Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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