Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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