The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
