Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
