you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
