I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
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Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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