were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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