I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
