No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
