U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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