atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
