Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
