Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
