I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
