Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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