i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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