woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
