i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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