I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
