it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
