and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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