Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I enjoy the company of your penis
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
