Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
