just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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