I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
