so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize