you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
