Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
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My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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