Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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