I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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