last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
