I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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