How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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