I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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