You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
