i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
