he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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