He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
