i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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