Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
