apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Girls should come with a carfax report
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
