last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My feet surprised me
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