i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
