Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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