I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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