I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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