Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
