If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
