Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
