Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
