the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
