I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
