yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
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hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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