Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
