i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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