I accidentally burped into my bong.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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