none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
