at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
