Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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