Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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