I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize